


The Day He Left

by JustCallMeAri



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breakup, Fix-It, Heavy Angst, I am sorry just please read it, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:08:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeAri/pseuds/JustCallMeAri
Summary: Sonny left him and then Rafael left everyone. He never did do anything halfway. Sonny always loved that about him. Now, he wants to scream at him for it.Sonny isn’t screaming.Sonny is sobbing, he is lying in the snow and it is soaking his jacket but he doesn’t care. He can’t feel it, he can’t feel anything. He is okay with that, not feeling. Except that’s a lie, he is feeling too much. That is his problem, he feels too much. Right now, he feels like he was just pushed from a fluffy cloud all the way to the bottom of the ocean, hitting every layer of ground on the way down. He is freezing, his body is cold, his fingers, his nose, his empty chest that is supposed to hold a heart, everything is freezing.Except the warm hands pulling him up.





	The Day He Left

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at fixing the way Rafael left. He deserved more, Barisi deserved more, and we deserved more.   
> Here is a little more.   
> NOTE: I do not own the first few lines, those are all the writers'

“Im you now, Liv. You opened my heart and I thank you for it”

There is a brief pause, Olivia waiting to ask the question for fear that it means goodbye. All she can manage to get out is a conjunction. 

“And?”

“I’ve got to move on” Rafael says, conjoining his compliment and his goodbye before leaning up and kissing Olivia’s forehead. All too quickly, he is turning around and walking away. He was always quick on his feet. Liv watches him walk to the street and turn the corner. She can’t help but keep looking, finally, after what feels like forever, she turns and she sees Sonny standing a few yards away. She looks at him and shakes her head, making sure her eyes don’t meet his. 

All it takes it one turn of the head to the left and Sonny’s knees buckle before Olivia’s head is done shaking. He is gone. Rafael, the love of his life, is gone. The man he had spent four years loving, the man who has his entire heart, he’s gone. Sonny shouldn’t have ended it, he had realized that. He was coming to the courthouse to make things right, to apologize, to tell Rafael that he loved him.   
It was too late.

Rafael was too hurt to stay more than twenty four hours at the job he loved. 

Sonny had walked out on his first love.

Forcing Rafael to walk away from his own first love; the law.

Sonny left him and then Rafael left everyone. He never did do anything halfway. Sonny always loved that about him. Now, he wants to scream at him for it. 

Sonny isn’t screaming. 

Sonny is sobbing, he is lying in the snow and it is soaking his jacket but he doesn’t care. He can’t feel it, he can’t feel anything. He is okay with that, not feeling. Except that’s a lie, he is feeling too much. That is his problem, he feels too much. Right now, he feels like he was just pushed from a fluffy cloud all the way to the bottom of the ocean, hitting every layer of ground on the way down. He is freezing, his body is cold, his fingers, his nose, his empty chest that is supposed to hold a heart, everything is freezing.

Except the warm hands pulling him up. 

His tears have blurred his vision so much he can only see brown hair and brown eyes, he hears a soft voice say some words but his brain isn’t processing anything new. His brain forces words through his rough and raw throat. 

“I was supposed to marry him. He was my home…and..now. Now I have nowhere to go because my heart is still with him” Sonny gasps the last part into Olivia’s neck. He takes a step forward and then another and all of a sudden he is walking. Well, Olivia is walking and he is doing his best to keep up, Olivia supporting him more than his own spine.

 

Sonny is walking into his apartment after Olivia unlocks it with the keys she took from him because he was unable to stop shaking long enough to push the key into the lock. He doesn’t remember getting into a car but he knows they must have because it is too far away to walk. Olivia is still there, he doesn’t want to tell her to leave, if she does, he will be alone. Forever. 

He isn’t ready.

“You should get some sleep.” Olivia’s still soft voice barely breaks through the fog that his brain is swimming in. 

Correction, Drowning in. 

He looks at Olivia, his eyes meeting hers and all he sees is pain. 

Pain, and Rafael. 

Those two things should never go together. Sonny hates it. He immediately goes to put on his jacket, it should be hanging up, it isn’t. 

“What are you doing?”

“My jacket. I need to find my jacket. I need to find Rafael. I need. I need to see him” Sonny is frantic. 

Olivia walks over and tugs on the lapels of his still soaked jacket that he is wearing. “You’re wearing it, Sonny.”  
Sonny looks down and then nods. He grabs the keys out of Olivia’s hands and runs out of the door, not taking the time to close it. 

He doesn’t take the time for the elevator.

Running downstairs and out of the door.

He doesn’t take the time to get an Uber.

He doesn’t take the time to hail a taxi.

He just keeps running. Slipping on every corner he turns. Causing people to shout in surprise as he pushes past them. Rafael lives fifty blocks from him and he is there in under twenty minutes. His long legs finally working for him instead of against him. His body propels himself through the door of Rafael’s building. 

He doesn’t say hi to the doorman

He doesn’t wait for the elevator

He runs past the front desk and up eleven flights of stairs. He should be winded. 

He isn’t. 

The closer he gets to Rafael’s floor, his door, him, the more he is spurred on. The more he wants to move faster. 

He moves faster. Taking the steps two at a time, three at a time, eventually hopping four stairs and only landing on the large steps as he turns and turns and climbs half the building. 

The sign in the stairwell reads “floor 11” and Sonny doesn’t register it, just opens the door and turns to his right. Before he can stop himself, he is banging on the door like a swat member trying to break down the door of a suspect. 

Sonny’s hands are still in the air shaped like fists when Rafael opens the door. Sonny slowly lowers his hands as him and Rafael keep their eyes connected. 

“You left. You walked out. I, Rafael, I am so sorry. I went over there. I went over there to tell you that I was sorry, that I wanted to try things again and you were gone. You left. And-“

“And I didn’t say goodbye.”

Sonny shakes his head, “I didn’t deserve a goodbye, I still don’t. I don’t want a goodbye.” Rafael opens the door and lets Sonny into the apartment. His back is facing the door as Rafael shuts his door. 

“So.” He turns at the sound of Rafael’s voice, Sonny has always had a physical response to him speaking. “What do you want?” There is no snark in his voice, he wants to know. 

“I want hello. I want good morning and goodnight and I love you. I want us. I want you, wrapped in my arms, breathing against my neck while I play with the little hairs on the back of your head.”

Rafael pushes into Sonny, his arms folding around the younger man’s waist. His head fits perfectly in the space between Sonny’s neck and shoulder. 

They fit perfectly. 

Sonny’s back hits the kitchen counter and his hands grab the back of Rafael’s neck, fingers sliding up to his grown-out undercut. 

Sonny loves the small hairs the most. 

They both take a breath and let it out together, taking in the smell of each other. 

They both radiate heat and love, who is radiating which more; neither knows and neither cares. They just feel it. 

Rafael still has the ring in his drawer and now he can still plan on using it.   
Later.

Right now he just wants to be wrapped in the man he calls home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)   
> Please please please comment, even to correct me. Let me know what you really think.


End file.
